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Starfilledjarx
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Name: Kiki
Birthday: 4/17/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Reading. Writing. Moo-sak. Sleeping. Psychology. Singing. Dancing. Morality. Philosophy. Acting. Photography. Helping others and giving advice. Atheism. Making fun of stupid people. Fighting racism, prejudice, sexism and all other ideals that mankind can do without. Protecting the rainforests and saving the whales. Ebonics! Fo'sho.
Expertise: breaking hearts & being inconsistantly moody, oh yeahhh ;D
Message: message me
AIM:  BIue Starburst
Member Since:
2/15/2005
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| I'm going back to ProdigalFlower now.
Buh bye. | | |
| I have learned that the most devastating gesture, is a back turning away.
I've been reading a book on the psychology of girls lately. I note the fact that me and my friends exhibit several examples of bullying against other and even amongst ourselves. It's really sad but, I don't even like most of the people I call my "friends". Well, the girls anyway. I seem to get along with guys just fine. But it really seems like no one is a true friend to anyone anymore. Everyone seems to betray or backstab. They all only gossip. Brag. Compete for the better hair, clothes... even better boyfriend. How fxcking stupid is that?
Apparently I can't have off days either. I always have to be cheerful, perky and smiling 24/7. Well, that's not who I am most of the time. I'm not happy like I pretend to be. Just because I get a little snippy is no grounds to tell me that I'm rude and a bitch. If one person says that, I swear I'll shove my foot up their ass so far that my knee disappears.
That's another thing. I'm really violent lately. I don't know why. Oh, and self-destructive too. ehhh. No people, I haven't and don't and won't do anything crazy to anyone or myself. You all know I can't hurt a fly. xD; (Well maybe I COULD hurt a fly.. they're disgusting...)
A lot of things are troubling and confusing me lately, so much to the point that I feel like I just want to break down and cry. I have so many questions, but I can't get the answers, because I said I would keep my silence until the right time came. I don't know if I can last that long though. It seems so exceedingly hard. | | |
| ... Yeah. Writing in class again. Cuz I'm oh SO kool.
We have a track meet again today. We won't be back here until like... 7. ehhh.
My dear senior friends only have a few precious days left here. ;-; I'mma miss themmmmmmm. >-<
The play is gonna only be on the 24th. Stupid friggin' principal. I knew I wouldn't like him. All he ever does is promote the war in Iraq. (Stupid crackhead... )
Nothing has been happening around the homestead. It's like I'm never there anymore. I barely talk to my mom or my brother. I don't need their evil and cut-throat comments anyway.
Oh. Yeah. Tara walked into the girl's bathroom yesterday xD; It was flippin' hilarious. He can't even look me straight in the face now! >D
Welp, it's almost time for Chem. Must fly. | | |
| Had a track meet yesterday. We won. I got in third place for the 200 meter. woot.
Drama Club today. Our performance is on May 23 & 24th (I think). I really like my part in the play now. I thought I wouldn't like it because Mariel sorta chose the part for me (instead of me choosing the part for myself), but I really like it now.
i just notice how some people can be really desperate. I mean, sure, I can be desperate in some situations, but I'm not THAT desperate. Some people are just over the top. Then again, who the hell am I to judge these people?
I really must stop being so judgmental. I don't want to be judgmental whatsoever. It only brings about prejudiced and superficial ideas about people that aren't even true. I don't want to be tainted with this sort of behavior. It is not like me to be judgmental against anyone. And so, I must stop being this way.
It's funny. Funny how much someone can change in just under a year. I notice now that instead of just falling over and dying whenever someone would threaten or backstab me, I now lash out and hurt people with my words and actions. It's as if I use my relationships with people, to hurt them. Not only is this under-handed and cruel, but it's also a good way to hurt the people I care the most about unintentionally. (Or perhaps intentionally, if I wish it that way.)
Along with this subject, I also find that I have become a bully. No, I don't go beating people up for their lunch money and whatever other stereotypical idea you might get from the term 'bully', but rather, I find that I push people around verbally. It's not right, and it's definitely not nice.
I'm going to strive to be the person that I once was.
And I shall continue to study and think about myself and what I need to do to change. | | |
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